lukewarm

by

A lot has been going on. Sometimes I feel so happy to constantly be running around and doing things. I feel like back at the old apartment with Warren we just stayed so sad all the time watching reruns of old friends episodes and eating ice cream out the box. I remember loving it all at first, my typewriter on the milk crate, smoking on the window ledge, the smell of our french press in the morning. Everything went blue so fast, you know? I don't know. It hasn't gotten cold here in the south yet, but I'm ready for it.

I'm ready for a lot of things.


a lil sneak peak of something

This is one of the pieces I typed up for Caravan magazine which I'll be one of the featured artists in during the November issue that's coming up. My friend Natalie is the head photographer of it! I'm excited but I'm just so god awful at meeting deadlines and as much as I love creative freedom when it comes to magazine submissions I get so overwhelmed when there aren't any specifics of what I should do. This particular piece is an excerpt of something I've previously written. "Now you’re holding my hand and telling me how small I am. Like I don’t already know. Like I don’t feel it all the time. Like it’s not pressing up against me, mocking me, pointing out stars bigger than I am. But that’s okay. I take what I can get. And my ribcage rattles when the feelings grow louder. You can hear it like old cities breathing curse words and dog woods. If you listen carefully you can hear the ghosts of everything I’ve ever been. Are you listening? Can you hear them yet?" This particular piece is kind of poignant to me. Not so much the writing but what was going on when I wrote it. I remember when I scribbled that piece in my journal it was right in the middle of a time when I felt like I was so pent up. I didn't want to talk about very pretty and romantic things like I always had liked before because I was feeling very peripheral in my life at the time. And how frustrating it is when you're (sometimes) able to write things in full after the fact but you are never equally as able to convey them in the moment. and it's just never that easy, you know? I think I was even more bothered by the fact that the piece came out more romantic than I intended it to be, but a lot of the stuff I talk about does so I don't even try to fight it anymore.

Besides the magazine feature I'm also going to be selling a book of my work that is more along the lines of a scrapbook with my photos and typewritten pieces in it. Hopefully before the end of this month it'll be published and ready and you guys can check it out if you're into that kind of thing! Now my husband's home and I'm ready to watch some terribly cheesy patrick swayze film with him and hurry through the next few weeks.There's a lot of other stuff I want to talk about but I just don't feel like it's time yet. Maybe soon.