downtown + jada

Spent all afternoon in downtown Memphis just wandering around the city with Jada. We ran around for miles looking for a coffee shop (only for them to have the most unsweet peach tea I've ever had in my life!), chased trolleys--and there miiiight have been some cartwheels in the park too. The only thing I regret not photographing was the beautiful cuban burger I had because I was waaay too busy devouring it ;)

I so badly want to actively post things here but every time I try I feel SO weird about it!? I know I would be so much more comfortable just jotting things down in my journal--and that's still a thing I like doing, if not for anything else than to just look back on way later and feel that wonderful warmness of remembering something slight but good. But the dude got me this camera last spring and I feel like it's such a waste to not use it for documenting our time together in all of the places we find ourselves in. I'm still getting the hang of it all (the camera, the sharing specific pieces of my life on this kind of platform) and truthfully maybe that's why I feel so weird about showing that process here. It's hard being openly ungraceful when trying out new things. It's hard to find my balance here sometimes.

The tricky thing about the internet and sharing things is the cringing thought that people might mistake you for knowing what you're doing. Or even stranger, they might feel like you're just putting on a performance. and then you're supposed to only talk about things you enjoy and stuff that matters to you with this weird ironic detachment. And I guess what I'm trying to say is that I think this is a really annoying code of the internet. And I don't have fun being cynical or ironic about everything because it feels so disingenuous--I have fun caring about stuff. I like to like things, even just tiny little moments of my life. I want to be around more people who are still interested in interacting like that and I also want to feel okay about sharing things so that I can have a place to see it all later after I've forgotten them because new parts of life have started to take their place. I don't really know how to eloquently share this sort of stuff in an organized way because it never felt sincere. I'd rather just engage with other people like real human beings. I don't know if I'm necessarily good at that, but I feel far more equipped to try that than anything else.And honestly I don't think I'll ever be great at it, but I am really really okay with that! As long as I can come back and remember what my husband looked like on his 21st birthday or the tiny corners of cities I lived in once and the nights spent mapping out the rest of my life before it just happened to me. I think I'm cool with not being great with a camera or always finding the right words as long as I get that

-A